How Do We Become Resilient?

Resilient  This is exactly what we want our children to become.  Resilient.


Change is part of life. Conflict is part of life.  Hardship is part of life. That’s the hard truth and there’s nothing any of us can do about that.  All we can do is learn how to cope with the things that life throws in our direction.

How do we help children become resilient?

By simply allowing them to face small problems on their own.  Instead of jumping in to quickly fix things we wait.  We give them some time.  We allow them to feel frustration because after the frustration comes the learning.  Coping with challenges builds character and that is a fact.


How do we stop children from becoming resilient?

By solving every problem for them.  By being too helpful.  By being too involved.

Learn to take a step back. Try out the following:

1. It may be tough but learn to sit on your hands sometimes.  Remember, children may take longer to do something but if given the time, they can learn.

2. Learn to ask… what do you think you might be able to do to solve this problem?  Do you have an idea?

3. Give children lots of uninterrupted time to play without hovering over their every move.  Go and read a book in the next room. Or better yet, send them outside to play!  Tell them not to come back until dinner time!  And trust that if something happens, they will work things out and if they cannot they will come to you for help.

4. Try documenting your child’s play. Documenting play works well for children 6 and under and gives you something to do while you are supervising your child.  You are still watching over them responsibly but you are busy keeping a record of what they are doing.  This may prevent you from stepping in to help too early.

Can you think of life events that helped you develop resiliency?

“I’m a Hummingbird Parent I hover nearby, but not over my kids. I remain distant enough to let them explore and learn to solve problems, I teach them skills, mainly by example. I zoom in only when their survival is threatened. My goal for them isn’t a risk-free childhood, but a resilient life.” ` -Richard Louv


4 thoughts on “How Do We Become Resilient?

  1. Thank you for this sharing — wonderful wise words to take to heart at the start of a new year. As an elder, I feel duty-bound to share that this truth also applies to one’s “child” of any age…when the 30 year old has a wrestlement with a big decision, it is so tempting to offer advice, or clear their path for them; it is STILL hard to sit on one’s hands, to ask: what do you think you might be able to do to solve this problem? Do you have an idea? (suggested language at this age: Wow, that sounds like a tough decision; any ideas for sorting this out?) So all this good practice in parenting whilst the children are little, helps us practice for the pre-teen, teen, 20s, 30s, 40s phases of life. OMG!

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    1. You are so right. Almost every time I write a post about supporting young children it seems to apply for every age. I guess everything we ever need to know we learn in kindergarten! Ha!


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